Sometimes I get lonely. Sometimes I'm perfectly fine with being alone. I know that I'm never really alone... I have family and friends. I mean alone, in this sense, only means that I don't have the companionship of a gentleman person.
Sometimes, I think I'd like to be married, settled down (not that I'm sowing wild oats, by any means), and committed to one person for the rest of my life. Other times, that level of commitment freaks me the hell out. Sometimes, I like knowing that I can do whatever the hell I want to do, whenever I want to do it with no one to answer to (well, you know, if I had the money to do all those things). Other times, I wish I had someone reeling me in a bit.
I often compare myself to the people around me...Most of my friends are married people, or coupled up. I think, "What's wrong with me? Am I just not meant to have someone special in my life? I mean damn, I think I'm a pretty good catch."
Sometimes I think maybe I've had missed opportunities in my younger days because I didn't exactly exude confidence in myself. I never felt worthy of anyone because I didn't really love myself. I've always kind of felt that until I love myself, then no one else could ever love me. Now that I've finally come around to being comfortable in my own skin (for the most part), I'm finding that the other part hasn't caught up either so that's probably just a bunch of crap.
I know that relationships aren't perfect... It would just be nice to experience something other than me. It would be nice to have someone to do things with, to maybe eventually come home to, to sit around with at home and watch TV with, to cook a nice dinner for (while they clean up the kitchen), to share a bed with, to feel a warmth against me, to have an argument with, to piss me off to the depths of my fiery, Aries soul, but then to make up with...
But I also have a bit of social retardism. I have a hard time chatting with new random strangery people. I'm not comfortable with the online dating thing - I've tried it a couple of times. Maybe I need more than a couple of times... It's just weird to me. I have a hard time opening up and trusting people... which is kind of key any relationshipy situation. I also have a fear of rejections... it's deep-seeded... it goes back to middle/high school years. I'd like to let it go, but damn it's still there.
Sometimes I think maybe I've had missed opportunities in my younger days because I didn't exactly exude confidence in myself. I never felt worthy of anyone because I didn't really love myself. I've always kind of felt that until I love myself, then no one else could ever love me. Now that I've finally come around to being comfortable in my own skin (for the most part), I'm finding that the other part hasn't caught up either so that's probably just a bunch of crap.
I know that relationships aren't perfect... It would just be nice to experience something other than me. It would be nice to have someone to do things with, to maybe eventually come home to, to sit around with at home and watch TV with, to cook a nice dinner for (while they clean up the kitchen), to share a bed with, to feel a warmth against me, to have an argument with, to piss me off to the depths of my fiery, Aries soul, but then to make up with...
But I also have a bit of social retardism. I have a hard time chatting with new random strangery people. I'm not comfortable with the online dating thing - I've tried it a couple of times. Maybe I need more than a couple of times... It's just weird to me. I have a hard time opening up and trusting people... which is kind of key any relationshipy situation. I also have a fear of rejections... it's deep-seeded... it goes back to middle/high school years. I'd like to let it go, but damn it's still there.
I feel like I could wish my life away for all the things I want. At the same time, I need to get comfortable with the fact that it just may not happen for me. Or maybe one day it will, when I least expect it...
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