Monday, November 17, 2014


"I'm gonna put some rope lights around my, uh, balcony and I'll play C&C Music Factory. That's my holiday. It's all about getting the light into the darkness.  You can't fight darkness with darkness."  -Jen Kirkman, I Seem Fun podcast

I needed that.  I'm starting to get a little gloomy.

Friday, August 29, 2014


I once said to someone, "I feel like we've broken up, but there's nothing to be broken." 

This article kinda captures that that feeling:

Monday, August 11, 2014


A Lloyd Dobler and his boombox-like grand gesture... I want to be a recipent of something like that one day. Okay, so not quite in every sense of the whole idea of that, but I think you catch my drift.
I don't know why I have been thinking of that lately, but I am. It's redonkulous because that's a movie... Things like that don't happen in real life. I want to live in a world that it could happen, but I know better than to think that exists. And probably not for people like me. 

Tuesday, August 5, 2014


I pick stupid things to get aggravated about. I sweat the small stuff too much. I feel like I owe everyone, when sometimes I should just say, "Hey, thanks for getting that for me. I appreciate it." 

I feel like my grandma did so much for me growing up that I need to help take care of things for her now that she's getting older.

And my mom has helped me out a lot over the past few years, financially, that I feel like I owe her too. 

I'm told in both these cases that I should feel this way. But internally, I feel like I do. Even though, they wouldn't have done it if they didn't want to, or didn't have the means. It's exhausting to feel this way all the time. I go though phases where I pretend I to be selfish and "do what I want to do", but this nagging guilt is always there, festering under the surface.

I know I'm the hardest on myself. I know no one probably cares about all of this as much as I do.  I wish I had a way to make it better and just not worry about it.

Monday, July 21, 2014


"I am biting my lip...As confidence is speaking to me.

I loosen my grip from my palm...Put it on your knee." 

"Give Out" -  Sharon Van Etten

Saw her at Forecastle this year. Loved her. Can't stop listening now that I'm home and settled in for the night.

Monday, June 23, 2014


"He's creature of habit..or so it seems. But sometimes I do little things for myself that make me feel closer to him." --Me

That's from a journal entry I wrote back on July 8, 2014. It's a little out of context, but I do not wish to share more. I like it though. And I still do some of those little things. It's all an illusion, but sometimes it's nice to have something...even if it's not really anything at all.

Thursday, May 1, 2014


It's been a while since I've written anything.  I read back through some older posts and I feel like nothing much has changed.  Still seem to be following the same cycle, but I have to want to change it.  I guess I'm just not quite ready yet.  Sooner or later, something's gotta give... maybe.  I don't know.