06/23/14

"He's creature of habit..or so it seems. But sometimes I do little things for myself that make me feel closer to him." --Me

That's from a journal entry I wrote back on July 8, 2014. It's a little out of context, but I do not wish to share more. I like it though. And I still do some of those little things. It's all an illusion, but sometimes it's nice to have something...even if it's not really anything at all.

05/01/14

It's been a while since I've written anything.  I read back through some older posts and I feel like nothing much has changed.  Still seem to be following the same cycle, but I have to want to change it.  I guess I'm just not quite ready yet.  Sooner or later, something's gotta give... maybe.  I don't know.

08/18/13

A night of music and reflection, with an occasional lyric that makes my heart hurt because it get right down to the dark place I carry around with me.  This is how the past few Sunday nights have been.  I'm not sure I like it, but I'll be fine.  I'll get over it.  I'll go on about my way.

07/30/12

This poem popped into my head the other day; I've been thinking about since.  I didn't remember all of it, but there were some parts that stuck out.  I searched for it, found it, read it, and decided to share.  Here you go.

The Quiet World by Jeffrey McDaniel

07/15/13

Today's been a little emotional draining. Mood swing extravaganza.

It started this morning with something as stupid as IT issues on a Monday morning - kinda set the pace for the day.  Several people seemed kinda needy... really, that's nothing new, but today it didn't help things.

Sometimes, if people would take a second and look over work stuff BEFORE they start asking me questions, I wouldn't get so annoyed.  I'm not perfect, I know.  However, sometimes they just get all hyped up, rather than taking a methodical approach to figure something out for themselves.  AHHHH.  Where I'm one who doesn't ask a question until I've exhausted every which way I know how...

But I'm always there, ready to help, willing to lend a hand... because that's my nature.  And I won't turn anyone down... I expect the same out of others (except sometimes I get let down).

And from annoyance leads to a dismal feeling about the state of things... the world around me.  I think I need to take a break from the news for a while.  Sometimes, I wish I could live a life - head stuck in the sand.  Why does everything have to seem so shitty?  Sometimes, it just feels like there's nothing to look forward to in the world.  So much division, so much fighting.  Why the fuck can't we just get along?  Thinking about this stuff made me downright weepy around lunchtime.  I didn't, but I wanted too.

Then, I left work in a rush - clocked out at 5:01.  Got the hell out of there.  Went to a birthday dinner for a while.  Saw my dad for a little while during and after.  I love my dad.  He's the best dad ever.  He gave me green beans they cooked -- fresh from the garden.  I forgot his zucchini bread and his t-shirt.  At least I remembered get my brother's chocolate to him this time.

I did my best to keep my cool, the best I know how... whether it be sending a passive aggressive complainy text message to a person or who outside of the situations, keeping my mouth shut, taking deep breaths, or going up to one of my co-workers bending down to whisper a complaint, then lightly bang my head against her desk to display my frustration (which kinda makes us both laugh), and sometimes pretending I didn't hear what was being said hoping someone else would field that query.

That worked, until I got home... I cried a little.  Sometimes I just need to get it out of  my system.  It does make me feel a little better. Tears for humanity, or the lack thereof though... kinda depressing.

07/14/13

That moment when you kinda know you've "listened" to a song several times over the years, but then you LISTEN to it and it hits you like a ton of bricks.  Yeah, that just happened.
David Gray - Red Moon - Album: Lost Songs

07/07/13

"But the old man always thought of her as feminine and as something that gave or withheld great favors, and if she did wild or wicked things it was because she could not help them. The moon affects her as it does a woman, he thought.”

---the Old Man's view of the sea, Ernest Hemingway---The Old Man and the Sea.