08/29/14

I once said to someone, "I feel like we've broken up, but there's nothing to be broken." 

This article kinda captures that that feeling:

http://elitedaily.com/dating/werent-together-yet-still-broke/696524/

08/11/14

A Lloyd Dobler and his boombox-like grand gesture... I want to be a recipent of something like that one day. Okay, so not quite in every sense of the whole idea of that, but I think you catch my drift.

I don't know why I have been thinking of that lately, but I am. It's redonkulous because that's a movie... Things like that don't happen in real life. I want to live in a world that it could happen, but I know better than to think that exists. And probably not for people like me. 

08/05/14

I pick stupid things to get aggravated about. I sweat the small stuff too much. I feel like I owe everyone, when sometimes I should just say, "Hey, thanks for getting that for me. I appreciate it." 

I feel like my grandma did so much for me growing up that I need to help take care of things for her now that she's getting older.

And my mom has helped me out a lot over the past few years, financially, that I feel like I owe her too. 

I'm told in both these cases that I should feel this way. But internally, I feel like I do. Even though, they wouldn't have done it if they didn't want to, or didn't have the means. It's exhausting to feel this way all the time. I go though phases where I pretend I to be selfish and "do what I want to do", but this nagging guilt is always there, festering under the surface.

I know I'm the hardest on myself. I know no one probably cares about all of this as much as I do.  I wish I had a way to make it better and just not worry about it.